morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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