She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
