Too much gin, very little bucket
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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