walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
