I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
