I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
