dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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