A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
