Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
