Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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