My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
