There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize