My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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