I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
