You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
