what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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