Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
