ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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