how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize