trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
