Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
