You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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