Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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