I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
