if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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