i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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