omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
