so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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