well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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