just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
