Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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