does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
