I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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