Your tits are I can't wait for
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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