WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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