Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
