Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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