he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
