a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
