I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
