You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
