she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
