Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
