Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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