You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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