No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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