I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
