Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
