look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Are we still banned from the library?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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