i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
