i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize