Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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