Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
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