Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
