2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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