We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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