If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
