He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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