Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
