those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My liver just had a heart attack.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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