he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
