HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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