Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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