Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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