I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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