is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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